Mindfulness is a very good path to loving ourselves in a deeply kind way. Kindness towards self is essential in order to truly accept those you love ‘just as they are.’ When fear, expectation, control, or judgment grip the ego, we fall into suffering, resentment, unhappiness, even depression or rage at the extreme. To change your mindset to a positive one of kindness and compassion, which feels really good to both of you, develop a mindful presence first towards the state you are in, whether positive or negative.
That is called mindful presence, which means acceptance, especially self-acceptance. Notice when you are trying to make someone fit your desires, your specifics, your fantasies, which are the opposite of unconditional love. Just notice without judgment but with the mind of a kindly, but open-eyed, observer. By allowing these to be seen clearly by yourself, you open the door to releasing the negativity around it.
When you say yes to acceptance, you allow for the realities of life and of the other person. Sometimes to take a deep breath and say, “This is so” is helpful, based on the Buddhist idea expressed by the word ‘tathata’ which means ‘suchness,’ or that which ‘simply is.’ When you can look at the situation, the feeling, the thought, squarely in the ‘energetic’ eye, so to speak, you can then relax in clarity and compassion. It is acceptance of ALL of life, the positive and the negative.
Surrendering to what you cannot change or control is very releasing. You can use the energy of clarity (yes, you will feel more energy) and the usefulness of your particular experience to be helpful on your path in life. It can often be a learning experience. It may be a learning experience that helps others later. Most importantly, this practice helps you live and breathe the loving life and relationship you want.
Why are relationships, especially intimate or erotic relationships, the most challengingin this area? I will be writing about that tomorrow for Intentional Tuesday’s blog. For today, practice mindful acceptance by remembering to say to yourself periodically, as a mindset of acceptance: “I accept the reality of whatever ‘is’ today, and trust that all my experiences are useful on my life path.”
With the influence of the World Cup in Africa on my mind right now, I also offer this African saying as a creative affirmation also, a “Through the Looking Glass” affirmation when in relationship:
‘Those you love are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused.’ ~ African saying
Energy Reading & Healing - private, confidential sessions by phone or in person ~
All form is energy at its most basic and most highest level. By working directly with this energy you can change old patterns, heal your body and your relationships, and bring your body, mind and spirit into alignment with your innate creativity, health and what you truly desire.
What is this like for you?
I read your energy by intuitively tuning in to the messages your mind, body, and spirit are holding. By doing this, I help you access your own natural wisdom and insight and help with the shifting of your energies into forms more supportive, powerful and healing for you. When you ask a question on whatever is important to you right now, it becomes the catalyst that will help you achieve more clarity and acceptance, and be able to let go of what is no longer needed or helpful.
Because it is energy that we are working with, phone sessions are just as powerful and amazing as in person. And with a phone session distance is not an issue; you may have a session where ever you are. Just be sure to set aside a time when you will not be interrupted, and a place where you are comfortable.
*********************
~ Privateone hour sessionfor $120 *
(*Please see website below for the latest specials and news)
To schedule an appointment or receive more information, please see www.artspiritandhealing.com or email me at Barbara@artspiritandhealing.com, or call 209-770-1965.
When in an intimate relationship, the legacy of our past invariably ‘shows up,’ both for good and for bad. To have the healthy, loving relationships we desire, it is very helpful to do our own healing work so we bring our best to our beloved. The work of healing the past is not as mysterious as it may sometime seem. We all, no matter what our past contains, carry issues and ‘wounds’ from growing up. Each of us is born with a wild, tender heart but the natural process of existing in the real world known as earth brings experiences that limit our freedom, hurt our feelings, injure our self-esteem, and lessen our feeling of power. As a result, to a greater or lesser degree, we develop a defended heart. Unless we develop good awareness and do some healing work, we end up finding more disturbances in our love life than we would care to have.
To heal the past, we don’t need to remember it and then fix it, but just learn to be with it, to lean gently into it, like a good yoga move working gently with the muscles, until the experience in mind, body, and emotions starts to shift and open on its own. When we were younger, and sometimes still, we can be victimized, stuck in a bad spot. But now we do not have to do that. Rather, to stay with the hurt self is an act of great courage – a spiritual act. That place will bring us to our own inner beloved, our tender self.
We are courageous warriors when we do this work, and it is extremely respectful of self. This is our experience, and beneath this experience there is beauty in reclaiming our truth. To connect with our own truth brings true self-love. We become powerful, no longer victims. THEN we have much love to give to others. We are rich inside and our heart is full; we share in a bountiful, generous, kind and compassionate way.
This is a path – not an end product of perfection – but the path is real, and it brings a deeper enjoyment of your beloved, no matter who it is – child, friend, pet, or lover – with an open, undefended heart.
What else is there besides making time for joy in your life? Roger Ebert can no longer speak or eat normally because of life-changing health issues. He is tremendously inspiring and offers this:
“I believe that if, at the end of it all, according to our abilities, we have done something to make others a little happier, and something to make ourselves a little happier, that is about the best we can do. To make others less happy is a crime. To make ourselves unhappy is where all crime starts. We must try to contribute joy to the world. That is true no matter what our problems, our health, our circumstances. We must try. I didn’t always know this, and am happy I lived long enough to find it out.”
Thank you, Jamie Ridler, for the question today, “What do you want to make time for?” Many things can bring me joy, but right now a key to my joyfulness quotient in life is art-making and sharing the magic with others. It feels natural, and I hope that what I create will be a gift to others. I also like to share the healing power & spiritual pathof art with others (it’s the teacher and counselor in me). Yes, I sometimes need to consciously make time for this because all too easily I can procrastinate until the day is done. Purposeful intention serves me well here. And when I squeeze out those paint tubes, I remember why I brought myself to my own art table – joy : )
What brings you joy and how do you share it with others?
Sometimes there is something lurking below the surface, or out of sight from anyone except you, that holds what is real. What is real can inspire your greatest creativity. It takes courage, equanimity, and being centered to start in on a subject that is uncomfortable or even painful, but true for you. It is also often from those times that springs the unexpected blessing and means of sharing. It is our human connection.
Whatever media or mode of expression you choose, remember a time, recently or distant, that was difficult. Use your favorite media or method to express that. There is great healingin art, for yourself and others.
If you think you don’t have ‘a mode of expression’ then I encourage you to sing (car, shower)) or simply write about it. It’s good to keep a journal where your thoughts can be recorded in words or sketches.
What surprising and beautiful things have come or will come from your pain and find creative expression?
This was a day of some acrylic painting on a mandala and some snowshoeing in the high country, where the fresh powder glistened with small sun-lit diamonds, the fir trees lightly draped with snow, and from a few of their branches hung slender, twisty-patterned icicles. I need more time for my painting today, however . . . one and a half hours wasn’t enough to satisfy my seat-of-the-pants intention for painting each day. So, to put more time to my painting, but really wanting to embody the essence of this poem by Mary Oliver, I share it here:
An artist, a writer, a musician, all creative types, must find that spark, but then carry on when the going gets tough. The going can get tough when suddenly the manuscript is no longer very interesting, the painting becomes too difficult or boring, the music too repetitive. So it is important to make a commitment to yourself to do two things to help keep those kinds of unfinished projects away from your life:
Compassion Note: Allow yourself to start one project and never finish it – it probably just wasn’t right for some reason.
But then,
1. Make that commitment to yourself to continue on – finish that painting, article, book, music score, your creative project.
2. Because you’re making that commitment – like a vow – to yourself, make sure you intially find things to start that really bring you great pleasure or inspiration in some way . When that unique spark is in it from the beginning, it will be easier and more meaningful to carry through.
It will be this way that you can meet that 10,000 hours that makes ‘good’ become really ‘great.’
I am back to a big painting in my studio . . . what great pleasure or inspiration do you intend to begin or continue creating with today?
Watch only one minute, or two, or if you can’t stop, the whole thing. I couldn’t! And the tips on art supplies are great. If you keep a journal, consider this artistic format. If you don’t keep a journal, perhaps this is what will inspire you to start. Enjoy.
“Every day, think as you wake up,
